Hey! It's still January! There's still time to choose your vacation days, and this is how you do it!
Proven strategies for planning your precious PTO.
Hey,
Last week, we did the 2023 Holiday Hot Takes. This week, we dive deeper into strategies to make the most of your PTO.
But First what is up with all those layoffs in Big Tech?
For one thing, they're the sort of event that gets headlines in trade publications, talking heads on YouTube, and all the major news outlets. Huge layoffs make for clickbait, and everyone takes advantage.
So is it a big deal?
Yes. The bullshit big companies pull has an outsized effect as CEOs all across America play monkey-see, monkey-do with your job.
Anne Helen Peterson explains it much better than I ever will (see Layoff Brain in Culture Study), but layoffs never solve underlying problems. The resulting fear breaks down communication with the survivors, and leads to even greater turnover.
So why do the supposedly brilliant CEOs do it?
Near as I can tell, it's about controlling the means of production. Traditionally, "the means of production" referred to machinery, raw supplies, and factories. In a knowledge-based industry—finance, software, or any form of customer service—the employees are the means of production.
Instilling fear over job security with near-random layoffs is a way to tamp down wages while keeping more power in the halls of HR and the c-suite. When employees are treated like commodities, we're in a race to the bottom.
I don't consider myself a Marxist-Leninist, but I do think the only hope for the middle class in America is more organizations—unions or guilds—that advocate and fight for the workers rights. Once more, I refer you to Anne's excellent work about how capitalism really works around here.
Until that happens, look busy my friends.
Assuming you still have a job that offers you paid time off, let's continue the discussion about how to spend them.
First, How Many Days of PTO You Got?
One of the reasons that keeps me at the same company year after year is that I've built up a respectable number of PTO days. It's one of the tactics corporate overlords use to bend our will to their liking, keeping us subservient until they no longer need us around.
Let's get on the same page with PTO. If you have...
10 days or less — You recently started this job, or your company is stingy. You'd better hold onto these days for special events and mask up so you don't get COVID.
15 days — You've lasted a year or two at the company, but this is still not enough days to vacation and also care for yourself or family. You can take a couple of long weekends if you schedule around holidays.
20 days — Now you can think about using five days for a trip. Hold off as long as possible so that you don't face the last six months of the year terrified of getting sick once flu and 'rona season starts.
25 days — Okay big shot, go somewhere for Spring Break and go camping in August. Just don't make a big deal about it.
30 days — Excuse me? Two weeks at the Outer Banks and a cruise in October? Aren't we fancy.
35 days — How long have you been here? Holy crap. You took every Friday in summer to go to your cabin, now you're taking every Monday in December just to burn the days. Must be nice.
40 days — Go fuck yourself.
PTO Planning Strategies
Strategies are based on situations. So what's your sitch?
Family Situations
No Kids
Take the days. Have fun. Maybe keep a couple in your pocket in case you get sick but use the rest. To thoroughly enjoy the fun, plan your trips but make them seem a last minute thing, and tell your coworkers with kids, "Oh, I just feel like hopping on a plane to Vegas for the weekend. You wanna' go?"
Pregnant or Pre-schoolers
Save the days. You want as much time for all the random shit that's going to happen when little kids are in the house, which also includes you catching every upper respiratory virus within a five-state radius. Even if you have the most affordable childcare situation in the city, you still probably can't afford to go anywhere that costs money on the precious PTO days you dare take for fun.
Kids in School
You can use some days but plan them around the school's schedule. Your horse has been hitched to the school calendar and you'd better jump on the wagon.
Adult Kids Out of the House
How stable are your adult kids? Does one of them need help moving between rented rooms when housemate squabbles break out? You'll need to save a handful of days to help them move.
Is one of them planning a destination wedding? Or maybe needs help with medical school? You'll need to use at least some of your days to drive Uber and make cash to help out.
Aging Parents Who Need Your Help
I only bring it up because it's real. There're no jokes to be made here. But someone has to help load the AOL CD in the Windows 98 computer, and it might be you. It doesn't matter how big you print the job aid, they're still going to type: "google aol" in the AOL command line, and then call you up and read to you what it says on the screen.
Save a few days so you can enjoy time with them without your boss asking you about some stupid assignment.
Work Situations
Can't Stand Your Boss
Never, ever, take PTO the same day as your boss. Save those days-off for when you have an assignment due or a one-on-one meeting with the boss.
Money Situations
You are Burdened with Debt
Consider using your PTO to drive Uber, sell your plasma, or at least to search for a better job. If you're really hard-up for cash, consider getting a second job. Honestly, having two jobs usually ends in disaster, but so does bankruptcy.
You Have More Money Than You Know What to Do With
Go fuck yourself.
PTO Final Thoughts
They are your days. You've earned all that PTO—all of it!—quite possibly with stress and anxiety that makes you physically ill.
Use them wisely but for the love of God use them.