2023 Holiday Hot Takes and Precious PTO Planning
How do you make the most of your precious vacation days this year?
Welcome to Look Busy, a newsletter about enjoying your time at the office without getting fired.
It's a new year at the office and your paid time off (PTO) has likely reset. Savvy office workers will review the holidays and special event days for the coming year to help set aside vacation days for what they value most.
Before we get started, I have a few thoughts about PTO...
PTO is a precious commodity, like whale sperm, that comes at great cost but can be used in a variety of ways to heal wounds, make things, or strictly for pleasure. Why else would Ahab and a fleet of whalers have dedicated their life to hunting whales to extinction?
PTO is precious but it's also screwed up. First of all, it's supposed to be used for both pleasure and illness, like adding vodka to your Pepto Bismol. Gone are the days when you had sick days for illness, and vacation days for pleasure. (Clearly, the invention of PTO was one of the greatest achievements of Big HR.)
Also, the people with the most PTO are typically older and incapable of fully appreciating what they have. Young people are more likely to have the energy and reckless abandon to spend days at the beach, or skiing, or doing whatever people do at resorts.
Fail to plan and you’re planning to fail.
That's why it's so important to plan your days off to take advantage of holidays, and set aside time for the special events.
In this issue, we look at the upcoming Holidays and special annual events to help you leverage them according to your interests and situation.
(In the next issue, we'll dive deeper into strategies to use to make the most of your PTO.)
Without further ado, here are…
Holiday Hot Takes and Precious PTO Planning for 2023
Monday, January 02 New Year’s Day — Federal Holiday
This one is already gone. I hope you enjoyed it. But did you even notice? There's a chance you were hungover and half of this precious holiday from work was gone before you realized. The good news is that it's a short work-week, and everybody was probably in a bad mood and didn't do shit at the office except dick around on the internet.
Monday, January 16 Birthday of Martin Luther King, Jr. — Federal Holiday
Here is another one that slipped by without your realizing, unless you were burned with a school's-out situation and had to scramble to do something with your kid. This one deserves more attention so whether you have the day off, or use PTO, take a moment to consider Dr. King’s legacy and message.
Thursday, February 02 Groundhog Day — Special Event
Great movie, weird day. Of all the pagan traditions to bring into the modern world, this one sucks hardest. We never needed giant ground squirrels to tell us winter sucks. We needed a Wooly Mammoth to emerge around 1980 and convince us that the petroleum companies were hiding the truth about carbon emissions, and that those companies had embarked on a greenwashing campaign to maximize their profits. Bastards.
Oh, don't take any PTO here.
Sunday, February 12 Super Bowl — Special Event
Don't burn any PTO on the Monday following the Super Bowl. Instead, clear your schedule and treat it like an in-service day when no one should be expected to do anything but dick around on the internet and have stupid conversations about the ads, the halftime show, and who won the Super Bowl squares.
Tuesday, February 14 Valentine's Day — Bullshit Day
Of all the holidays Big Greeting Card invented, this is their magnum opus. Don't take the day off, but maybe sneak out of the office a couple hours early so you can run to Target and get your significant other a gift, and maybe pick up tacos on the way home.
Monday, February 20 Washington’s Birthday — Federal Holiday
Most people realize it's Washington's birthday because the banks are closed, or because there was no mail delivered, or their kid tells them in the morning that school's out. Don't let that happen to you. Schedule the preceding Friday as PTO and give yourself back-to-back short work weeks. Oh, and maybe take the family to a resort/water park so you can eat grilled food all weekend.
Tuesday, February 21 Mardi Gras Carnival — Special Event
Apparently, a lot of people go to New Orleans to take salt water baths or get colonics or something. It's French, I'm told. Where I live, people bring in food to the office, so unless you need a Louisiana enema, don't use PTO. Show up to work but drift from one floor to the next in search of free food.
Sunday, March 12 Daylight Saving Time starts — Bullshit Day
Spring forward my ass. Arguably the stinkiest of the bullshit days, we have to give up an hour of sleep so that the American economy is more productive. Please don't take PTO on this Monday. Instead, spend the entire work day complaining how tired you are, and don't do anything productive in protest.
Tuesday, March 14 March Madness Begins — Special Event
Take the afternoon off on Thursday and Friday of this week. If you like men's college basketball, go to a bar with lots of televisions and enjoy. If you don't like basketball, go to a movie, or find a coffee shop where you can read, or just go home and sleep. If you're married, don't tell your spouse. This is a chance to take some time for yourself at the end of a long winter.
Friday, March 17 St. Patrick's Day — Special Event
If you're Irish and you like basketball, you're already exactly where you want to be (at a bar). With this celebration falling on a Friday, go ahead and drink yourself into a two-day hangover. But if you don't drink, or you're a Protestant Englishman, you may hate this day but at least you can watch Tommy Lee Jones chase Harrison Ford in The Fugitive, the best St. Patrick's Day movie since I don't know when.
Saturday, April 01 April Fool's Day — Bullshit Day
Thank God this goofy day is on a Saturday so you don't have to worry about bullshit at work. Stay offline until late in the afternoon.
Monday, April 03 March Madness Ends — Special Event
If you like basketball, or if somehow your bracket chosen at random has you in position to win some money, you may want to take Tuesday morning off for a "doctor appointment."
Friday, April 07 Good Friday — Special Event
If you're a practicing Catholic, you know this is hell week, what with all the services already, and you still have Easter Vigil on Saturday and brunch on Sunday. For everybody else, swing by Target on the way home to get the last of the chocolate in the store.
Sunday, April 09 Easter Sunday — Special Event
You should make a brunch reservation now, in January, for one of the most over-priced buffet meals of the year.
Wednesday, April 26 Administrative Professional's Day — Special Event
Administrative professionals make or break an office. Definitely don't take any PTO because this is a great day for an extra-long lunch hour with a possibility that the boss will pick up the tab. Administrative Professinoals hold way more power than their pay-grade in the modern office, so be generous with a gift and greeting card now or you'll pay later.
Sunday, May 14, Mother's Day — Special Event
Thankfully, no PTO has to be burned on this one. Set a reminder in your calendar on the Friday before to get a card and a gift for every mom in the family, including your bitch who had a litter of puppies. You can't really go overboard with this one.
Monday, May 29 Memorial Day — Federal Holiday
It's the unofficial start of summer! There's probably a parade!! But save your precious PTO for warmer weather. If you have sport-minded kids, there's likely an out-of-town soccer/lacrosse/baseball tournament that will ruin this weekend. Gird your loins and get through it.
Sunday, June 18 Father's Day — Bullshit Day
No PTO needed. For the most part, you don't even have to remember this one. Pick up a card at the gas station, cross-out "Sweetest Day" and write in Father's Day. It'll be fine.
Monday, June 19 Juneteenth National Independence Day — Federal Holiday
This recent gift from the feds is cool if you work in a bank or the Post Office. Highly unlikely your company grants it as a paid holiday, though. Still too early to use PTO, as your kids are probably starting summer enrichment camps or vacation bible school, if you're into that sort of thing.
Tuesday, July 04 Independence Day — Federal Holiday
Now the summer party kicks in. Take the Monday off if you don't already get it, and try to have something warm and fun on the plans. Include your family if you must. Grab the preceding Friday to give yourself back to back short weeks.
Monday, September 04 Labor Day — Federal Holiday
What the hell happened to Summer? Yeah, take the Friday before to get the back to back short weeks. Weather is still good so have something booked, like a room near a beach, or a camp site in the woods. But keep it close to home because school will be starting soon, and you'll need to get the back-to-school shopping done.
Monday, October 09 Columbus Day — Federal Holiday
Did you notice the banks were closed and there was no mail? Did your kid tell you there's no school? Leave that for folks who don't plan their PTO. Your company probably doesn't give you this day off work, so make the request and go some place to admire the "fall colors." Maybe take the kids to an apple orchard to learn how difficult it is to pick apples like a migrant worker. Maybe you have the cash to fly to Italy and visit the birthplace of the guy who started a genocide and set the tone for centuries of slavery in the west.
Monday, October 16 Boss's Day — Bullshit Day
Certainly no PTO here, but put it on your calendar to get a card and pass the hat for a gift card, or a bag of ground coffee, or maybe a candle, for your boss. Don't shy away from the mug with a cute saying on it. Most bosses want to believe their subordinates like them, but they'll settle for gifts delivered with a smile.
Tuesday, October 31 Halloween — Special Event
If you're a parent, take this day off so you can get your kid to school in their costume and pick them up after to get ready for Trick or Treat. If not, then just enjoy this day at work because so many people with kids are absent that you can probably get your work done in about an hour and then dick around on the internet the rest of the day.
Sunday, November 05 Daylight Saving Time ends — Bullshit Day
Whatever. At least with this one, we can sleep a little more. You can still complain about being tired on Monday and refuse to do any meaningful work on principle.
Monday, November 13 Veterans Day (observed) — Federal Holiday
Thanks for your service, but probably only Feds get the day off. If you have a vet you wish to honor, by all means take the PTO and go watch the parade, enjoy the 21-gun salute, and smile at anyone in a uniform. If you feel compelled to watch a war movie—and you want to feel the devastation of loss—I recommend Bridges at Toko Ri ( with Bob Holden and Mickey Rooney). If you want a more of an upbeat ending, dig around for The Americanization of Emily (with Julie Andrews and James Garner).
Thursday, November 23 Thanksgiving Day — Federal Holiday
If you're travelling, you pretty much have to take Tuesday and Wednesday off to account for the crush of travelers at airports, and traffic jams around cities. Even if you're staying home, you may want the days off to start getting ready. Enjoy the house for a day while the kids are in school.
Monday, December 25 Christmas Day — Federal Holiday
Hopefully you saved four days PTO because you can burn them here and get ten days straight out of work for the price of those four days PTO. Of course, there's an equally compelling argument to go into the office because so many other people are gone you can pretty much dick around on the internet most of the day, and nap under your desk when you feel like it.